Can I love myself AND want to lose weight at the same time?
The short answer…YES
The long answer…
I did some journaling about this this morning and the words just poured out of me. This is something I know many people struggle with so I wanted to share my words with you.
Self-love is not against weight-loss. Self-love is about accepting yourself exactly as you are, but that does not mean you cannot change yourself. In fact, accepting yourself is the first step to wanting to change yourself.
This week, I went to try on my bridesmaid dress for a wedding next year. I was fitted for this dress in February, so it has been 5 months since that fitting. The dress would not zip up. Sarah from 4/5 years ago would have panicked, beat herself up and started a diet and exercise plan immediately. However, Sarah today knows better. My reaction was:
“That’s interesting the dress won’t zip up. I know I’ve put on some weight, but that’s okay. It doesn’t contribute or diminish your value or worth in any way. You’ve had a baby. You’ve been in lockdown. You’re moving less and eating more. You’re struggling with postnatal depression. The weight gain is a side effect of all that. The dress won’t zip up. No problem. It’s all temporary. Your body is worthy. Your body is enough. Your body is ever-changing, growing and evolving. The dress will fit you again, with love, care and acceptance, not fear, shame and punishment.”
As you can see, my inner best friend was very quick to reassure me and shout louder than my inner critic. This is a skill that I have learnt and practiced over the last four years, and it is certainly not easy to do. This is why self-love is a daily practice and not an end destination.
So back to our question, can I love myself and want to lose weight at the same time?
believe you can and I’m going to share with you my number one tip for doing so.
But first, we need to lay the foundations for the work…
Before we make changes to ourselves, we have to meet ourselves with kindness and compassion exactly where we are. We have to accept ourselves exactly as we are with the complete understanding that we are enough exactly as we are without making any changes. If we didn’t change we would still be just as worthy, loved and enough. It’s really important that we lay this groundwork first as it ensures that the following changes come from a place of love, acceptance and compassion for ourselves rather than fear, shame and punishment. If we want to change ourselves because we don’t think we are not enough, we fear others will judge us for who we are or because we are trying to live up to societal standards, we are actually setting ourselves up for failure. The change always, always, always has to come from a place of love.
“But how do we do this Sarah?” I hear you ask. Well, I’m about to share with you my number one tip for doing just that…
FOCUS ON FEELS NOT LOOKS.
Let me explain. When we want to change ourselves based on the way we LOOK, it usually comes from a place of scarcity, fear, loathing, shame and punishment. We don’t think we are enough and therefore we have to change ourselves to try and feel like enough. When we focus on changing how we look it’s usually about trying to conform to society’s ideal standards of beauty (which are complete bullshit by the way!) Furthermore, when we focus purely on how we look, we are completely disconnected from ourselves and our body. We are focusing so much on what’s going on outside, that we forget to check in with what’s going on inside.
When we focus on how we want to FEEL, we are bringing that connection back to ourselves. The choices we make come from a place of abundance, compassion, kindness and love. It’s not about looking a certain way on the outside, it’s about feeling a certain way on the inside. We accept and love the way our body looks because we are making choices that make us feel great.
It may sound complex, but here is a really simple starting point. Ask yourself the question:
How do I want to feel?
Take looks completely out of the equation and ask yourself how you want to feel in mind, body and soul.
Here are some examples from my journaling this morning…
I want to feel more energised.
I want to feel enjoyment when I exercise/move my body.
I want to feel energised and not tired when playing with Leo.
I want to feel healthy in my gut.
I want to feel free in my food choices.
I don’t want to feel out of breath pushing the pram up a hill.
I want to feel like ME in my clothes.
I want to feel comfortable in my clothes.
I want to feel comfortable and free from critical thoughts in my bridesmaid dress.
I want to feel strong and empowered in my yoga practice.
I want to feel flow and ease in my yoga practice.
I want to feel connected to and in harmony with my body.
You see? None of these are about the way I look. They all focus on how I want to feel.
These choices are coming from a place of love, a place of connection, a place of care for myself. It’s a mindset shift. Start seeing making changes to yourself as an act of self-love and self-care instead of an act of punishment, shame or fear. We are making positive changes to ourselves to best support how we want to feel and the life we want to live.
Here are a few other tips for losing weight or making any changes to yourself from a place of love:
· Take dieting and weight loss plans completely out of the equation. These are only going to make you focus more on how you look and make you feel even more disconnected from yourself. PS) diets are bullshit and do not work.
· Do not deny or restrict yourself of your favourite foods/pleasures. See all foods as neutral, not good or bad. See all foods as available in abundance to you. Eat the food that is going to make you FEEL great (yes, even if that’s chocolate!)
· Move your body from a place of love. Exercise in a way that feels food for you. You don’t have to run miles and miles until you want to throw up. You don’t have to spend hours at the gym. Find a way to move your body that feels great to you. Try walking with a friend, yoga, dancing, ice-skating or rock climbing. Nobody said that exercise just has to be running or going to the gym.
· No numbers! This includes weight on the scales, clothes sizes and counting calories. You do not need to track or set goals based on these numbers. Again, they will just cause you to be even more disconnected with your body.
· Keep up your self-love/self-care practices. Whilst making these positive changes, use your self-love/self-care practices to constantly remind yourself that you are enough, you are worthy and you are loved for just being you.
So, next time you think you want/need to lose some weight, ask yourself this question:
Why do you want to lose weight? To look a certain way or feel a certain way?
And remember, you can absolutely love yourself and want to change yourself at the same time. Just make sure those changes come from a place of love and it’s all about those FEELS.
Love Sarah xxx
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